Just earlier today I was looking at all the meds I take to keep me functioning. I was thinking that since I’m no longer working (retired,) I could talk to my care providers (psych nurse, therapist, primary care doc) about maybe cutting my dosages.
But then this afternoon happened. Someone in my family got news we didn’t want to get. It’s not bad news per se. It’s just not good news either. It could go either way. So we’re stuck waiting until the situation can be clarified. Clarification isn’t going to happen for at least another week.
In other words, I need the meds. Hunter is perceiving that something’s not right so he is checking in with me every few minutes. I’m in a library trying to find information on a subject that should be pretty simple but I cannot focus enough to make any sense of what I’m reading.
I just caught myself staring off into the distance. Nothing really to look at. Tons and tons of books, everywhere books. There’s a student re-shelving books and an older fellow one floor down (open atrium) who insists on rustling the newspaper. This is what I’ve been trained to do. Right? Focus on the here-and-now. Get out of the staring-out-into-space-thing. I can very easily begin to dissociate, if I am not careful. Locate myself in space and time.
I can’t wait for this week to pass but I have no choice. Cutting back on my meds? Not a chance!